Taking care of aging parents requires balancing act

Two years ago, I became a half sandwich. (Keep reading.)

No only did I return to journalism after a six-year hiatus, I also moved back home – with mom.

While both have presented their own challenges, a free-spirited, adventurous single woman in her prime having to tone it way down to accommodate an elderly parent wins the gold.

I love my mom. She is 84 years old, still works part time, and can still cook and clean for herself whenever she wants. She is independent, strong and determined – sometimes to a fault.

After her two live-in grandchildren went to college, she was left home alone and we didn’t want that, especially at night.

So we called a family meeting two years ago and I drew the shortest straw. Well, not really, but I was an obvious choice as I was the only single, eligible female sibling – and I called the meeting.

I am the youngest of eight children. I had five sisters and two brothers. One sister died in 2011 and one of my brothers just died this past March.

My oldest brother shares a home with his daughter. My brother who recently died was not in the best of health during the family meeting, so his moving back home was not a viable option.

All of my sisters are married except for one who lives in an assisted living facility.

So, like I said, I came into the family meeting with a home-sweet-home bulls-eye on my back.

After all was said and done, I asked my siblings if they would give me one free weekend a month away from home to “just do me,” as the young people say.

 

Taking care of an elderly parent, even if they are semi-independent, is far from easy. It is a labor of love.

In addition to your own needs and to-do tasks, you have to keep up with theirs – and they want it done yesterday.

There are doctors’ appointments that must be scheduled and met, and medicines that have to be refilled, picked up and arranged in reminder containers. Because my mom still works, transportation to and from her job also has to be arranged when I’m not available.

Studies show that the number of adults taking care of aging parents has tripled in the past 15 years because people are living longer.

The sandwich generation is a title given to people in their 30’s or 40’s who are raising their own children and taking care of their aging parents.

I don’t have children although I helped raise my niece who is now in college. So what do you call people in their 30’s or 40’s without children who are taking care of their elderly parents?

One research result on the Internet showed a term called open faced sandwich. Open faced because it only contains one piece of bread – the missing piece are the children, I guess.

I prefer to call it the half-sandwich generation. I’m partial to two slices of bread because I may not have children, but that other slice represents a life, career and significant social and community connections that add value to my life.

I have a few other friends who are also in the half-sandwich generation and are dealing with the same types of challenges – which is balancing the responsibility of caring for an aging parent while also holding on to what defines you.

It is indeed a balancing act. And one that we all feel is unbalanced most of the time.

Studies also show that caregivers of aging parents tend to neglect caring for themselves.

We all agree, however, that the joy of it all is getting to know our parents on a deeper level and spending more quality time with them. That yields a satisfaction like no other.

And it doesn’t hurt to know that God is pleased with us. The Scripture 1 Timothy 5:3-4, 8 (New International Version) says, “Give proper recognition to those widows who are really in need. But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God. Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”

This tips the scale in our favor.

Share your story

Are you or someone you know in the sandwich or half sandwich generation and would like to share your story in a developing book on the topic of caring for an aging parent? Your story could inspire others who are living through it and offer ways to cope with the challenges it brings.

E-mail twiceachildbook@gmail.com and give a brief description of your experience, either past or present, and contact information.