Two years ago, I became a half sandwich. (Keep reading.)
No only did I return to journalism after a six-year hiatus, I also moved back home –
with mom.
While both have presented their own challenges, a
free-spirited, adventurous single woman in her prime having to tone it way down
to accommodate an elderly parent wins the gold.
I love my mom. She is 84 years old, still works part time,
and can still cook and clean for herself whenever she wants. She is independent,
strong and determined – sometimes to a fault.
After her two live-in grandchildren went to college, she was
left home alone and we didn’t want that, especially at night.
So we called a family meeting two years ago and I drew the
shortest straw. Well, not really, but I was an obvious choice as I was the only
single, eligible female sibling – and I called the meeting.
I am the youngest of eight children. I had five sisters and
two brothers. One sister died in 2011 and one of my brothers just died this
past March.
My oldest brother shares a home with his daughter. My
brother who recently died was not in the best of health during the family meeting,
so his moving back home was not a viable option.
All of my sisters are married except for one who lives in an
assisted living facility.
So, like I said, I came into the family meeting with a
home-sweet-home bulls-eye on my back.
After all was said and done, I asked my siblings if they
would give me one free weekend a month away from home to “just do me,” as the
young people say.
Taking care of an elderly parent, even if they are
semi-independent, is far from easy. It is a labor of love.
In addition to your own needs and to-do tasks, you have to
keep up with theirs – and they want it done yesterday.
There are doctors’ appointments that must be scheduled and
met, and medicines that have to be refilled, picked up and arranged in reminder
containers. Because my mom still works, transportation to and from her job also
has to be arranged when I’m not available.
Studies show that the number of adults taking care of aging
parents has tripled in the past 15 years because people are living longer.
The sandwich generation is a title given to people in their
30’s or 40’s who are raising their own children and taking care of their aging
parents.
I don’t have children although I helped raise my niece who
is now in college. So what do you call people in their 30’s or 40’s without children who are taking care of
their elderly parents?
One research result on the Internet showed a term called open
faced sandwich. Open faced because it only contains one piece of bread – the
missing piece are the children, I guess.
I prefer to call it the half-sandwich generation. I’m
partial to two slices of bread because I may not have children, but that other
slice represents a life, career and significant social and community connections
that add value to my life.
I have a few other friends who are also in the half-sandwich
generation and are dealing with the same types of challenges – which is
balancing the responsibility of caring for an aging parent while also holding
on to what defines you.
It is indeed a balancing act. And one that we all feel is
unbalanced most of the time.
Studies also show that caregivers of aging parents tend to
neglect caring for themselves.
We all agree, however, that the joy of it all is getting to
know our parents on a deeper level and spending more quality time with them.
That yields a satisfaction like no other.
And it doesn’t hurt to know that God is pleased with us. The
Scripture 1 Timothy 5:3-4, 8 (New International Version) says, “Give proper recognition to those widows who are really in
need. But if a widow has children or
grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into
practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and
grandparents, for this is pleasing to God. Anyone
who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own
household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”
This tips the scale in our favor.
Share your story
Are you or someone you know in the
sandwich or half sandwich generation and would like to share your story in a
developing book on the topic of caring for an aging parent? Your story could
inspire others who are living through it and offer ways to cope with the
challenges it brings.
E-mail twiceachildbook@gmail.com and give a brief description of your experience, either
past or present, and contact information.
