Willingness to forgive is easier said than done

Oftentimes, I like to flip through my book of daily devotions for women and read whatever page it stops on, rather than going to the current date.

This was the case a couple of weeks ago. And the page I “divinely” stopped on spoke of forgiveness: “A Willingness to Forgive.”

I pondered the appropriateness of this topic for my personal life. I searched my heart and even whispered within myself that I didn’t have “ought or fault” against anyone, so why would I need a lesson on forgiveness?

Fast forward a few days later and the unspeakable happened. A white 21-year-old man walked into Emanuel A.M.E. Church in Charleston and sat with the Bible study attendees for almost an hour before shooting nine of them, including the pastor, multiple times.

People were outraged and angry – and rightly so. I was, too. Still am.

So it was stunning to hear the victims’ family members express their forgiveness to the shooter during his first court appearance via video only a couple of days later.

They forgave him? Already?

Of course as Christians we’re suppose to forgive others. We recite it in the Lord’s Prayer: “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”

In order for God to forgive us, we must forgive others. This is easier to do when someone says something to offend you, or admits they lied to you or even betrays your trust.

But murder in the first degree – nine times – because of the color of someone’s skin? This is tough to even fathom in the 21^st century let alone forgive.

Yet, the family members of the victims remarkably did. As I write this, tears well in my eyes because of their terrific courage and their unshakable love to do what is right.

That itself is the greatest testament to the legacy of the lives lost. The family members credited their slain loved ones’ influence and teachings as the inspiration for their forgiveness.

I have several Christian friends and acquaintances who are struggling with forgiving this shooter, some of them ministers.

They are not there yet. They wrangle with praying for him.

I’ll be honest, I thought I was there. That is until I paid my respects to Senator Clementa Pinckney and the other eight victims last week when I visited Emanuel AME.

To walk into that beautiful edifice and know the evil those parishioners encountered is emotionally overwhelming.

It almost feels more natural not to forgive him.

Yet I am reminded of the page from my daily devotion: “God’s commandments are not intended to be customized for the particular whims of particular believers. God’s word is not a menu from which each of us may select items á la carte, according to our own desires. God’s holy word is a book that must be taken in its entirety; all of God’s commandments are to be taken seriously. And, so it is with forgiveness.”

Forgiveness is difficult, but it is God’s way – and it must be ours, too.

Sure we’re allowed to be angry. But we must not sin in our anger. Forgiving him does not minimize what he did. It does not excuse his behavior. Instead, it promotes our healing and helps our hearts to mend. It is more for us.

Anthony Thompson, the husband of slain Myra Thompson, told the shooter, “We would like you to take this opportunity to repent. Repent, confess, give your life to the one who matters most: Christ. So that he can change it, can change your ways no matter what happened to you and you’ll be OK. Do that and you’ll be better off than what you are right now.”

How incredible and what spiritual fortitude to pray for the soul of the person who killed your loved one? Their response to this tragedy is a lesson in unconditional love and we must follow the path they are forging for us.

As I waited in line to enter the church last week, a minister stood behind me. I asked him if he, too, were encountering Christians who were having trouble forgiving the shooter.

“Yes,” he answered. “In order for people to forgive, they must have the love of God in their heart. You can’t do it without the love of God.”

As we continue to pray for the victims’ families, as we continue to pray for Charleston, as we pray for improved race relations, remember to pray for your fellow Christians who are struggling with forgiveness.

Because in this case, it is easier said than done.